by Larry Fyffe
Given that Postmodern Subjectivism has replaced the constructed concept of linear time wrought by the economic order of Capitalism and its ideological superstructure referred to as the ‘Enlightenment’, lawyers for the renowned singer/songwriter Bob Dylan (Hood, Einstein, Monk, and Associates) have launched a massive lawsuit to protect his intellectual property.
Sick and tired of having his ideas and lyrics stolen by other writers, the lawyers for Bob Dylan are presently before the court, behind closed doors, to have the works of a number of artists, most of whom are poets, removed from the shelves of public libraries.
Untold’s intrepid investigators have uncovered a list of authors whose works these lawyers want the courts to ban and remove, and preferably ordered to be burned. As well, we are filing reports on the ongoing civil case:
1) Geoffrey Chaucer
Dylan lawyers contend that Geoffrey Chaucer, and others named as defendants, knew beforehand, or should have known, what their client was going to write.
To wit, the evidence presented to the court makes it clear that it is their client who writes:
Hood, Einstein, Monk, And Associates assert that nevertheless the aforementioned Chaucer goes right ahead and pens:
(Geoffrey Chaucer: Monk’s Tale)
Likewise the lawyers submit that the works of the following poet should be banned, if not outright destroyed:
2) William Blake
They point out to the judge that it is their client who writes:
(Bob Dylan: Roll On John)
The lawyers note that it cannot be mere coincidence that the defendant poet came up with the exact same wording:
(William Blake: The Tiger)
They add that it is common knowledge that Scots are thieves, and, as a civil punishment, the following poet’s work must at the very least be taken from public view:
3) Robert Burns
Submits the law firm – the evidence presented before the court clearly demonstrates that the lyrics below were written by its client:
My heart’s In the Highlands at the break of dawn
And that the poetic lines placed as evidence before the court in no way vary enough to avoid censure:
My heart’s in the highlands, my heart is not here
(Robert Burns: My Heart’s In The Highlands)
Indeed, there is evidence of a Scottish conspiracy to steal the artistic creations of Bob Dylan, claims Mr. Hood, the head lawyer for the plaintiff, and justice demands that the arrows of civil law strike down the works of the following poet:
4) Sir Walter Scott
The documents submitted to the court, says Mr.Hood, clearly demonstrate that Bob Dylan writes:
The sneaky Scot cannot avoid a civil penalty by changing a couple of words, the lawyer argues:
(Sir Walter Scott: The Fire-King)
5) John Milton
The other two lawyers for the plaintiff chime in and demand that the judge order that all the works of the above-mentioned poet be thrown into a furnace because it is Bob Dylan who writes:
But any minute now I’m expecting all hell to break loose
Holding up a copy of ‘Paradise Lost’, Mr, Monk declares that the lines below obviously belong to his client, and a civil remedy is called for:
(John Milton: Paradise Lost)
“It’s a sin!”, Mr. Monk tells the judge.
Untold has just now received an injunction requested by the court-appointed defendants’ lawyer to refrain from reporting on any more of the court proceedings. We consider this an affront to freedom of speech and will appeal.
Mr. Attwood has assured his investigative reporters that he will be happy to cover all court costs pertaining thereto.
(Publishers footnote: the penultimate paragraph of this article may contain a serious falsehood and should not be confused with any representation of reality either in this universe or anywhere else.)
What else is on the site
1: 500+ reviews of Dylan songs. There is an index to these in alphabetical order on the home page, and an index to the songs in the order they were written in the Chronology Pages.
2: The Chronology. We’ve taken the songs we can find recordings of and put them in the order they were written (as far as possible) not in the order they appeared on albums. The chronology is more or less complete and is now linked to all the reviews on the site. We have also produced overviews of Dylan’s work year by year. The index to the chronologies is here.
3: Bob Dylan’s themes. We publish a wide range of articles about Bob Dylan and his compositions. There is an index here.
4: The Discussion Group We now have a discussion group “Untold Dylan” on Facebook. Just type the phrase “Untold Dylan” in, on your Facebook page or follow this link
5: Bob Dylan’s creativity. We’re fascinated in taking the study of Dylan’s creative approach further. The index is in Dylan’s Creativity.
And please do note The Bob Dylan Project, which lists every Dylan song in alphabetical order, and has links to licensed recordings and performances by Dylan and by other artists, is starting to link back to our reviews