Bob Dylan And The Dylavinci Code (Part XX)

Links to all the cover versions used in this series are given at the end of the article, as well as links to all the previous articles themselves.

by Larry Fyffe

Our unwavering researchers, digging deep into the files of the Untold Archives, are able to uncover the psychological consequences of the mental scars that Jesus endures.

The love relationship between Mary Magdalene and Jesus Christ ends in sorrow; beautiful Maggie entombed in the Sphinx forever.

Just like all good psychiatrists do when they are at a lost to see what’s causes the odd behaviour of patients, the blame for their mental condition is placed squarely on the shoulders of their mommas.

Documents uncovered at the Archives show that singer songwriter Bob Dylan, while lying on the couch in Dr. Sigmund Freud’s Vienna office, tells about his travels through space and time, and about his “troubles” therein.

According to papers marked “Confidential”, Bob confides that he has the supernatural ability to time-travel, and also acknowledges that he’s a bon fide, dyed-in-the-wool, shape-shifter.

And, listen to this, Dylan explains to the Doctor that he often takes on the form of Jesus Christ, and through these transfigurative experiences, we learn that during her earthly life Mary, the mother of Jesus, “had done a lot of bad things, even once tried suicide”.

In one of his sessions with Sigmund, the singer/songwriter describes what happens to him while floating around in Relativity, floating up there in the spiritual plane of Gnostic Time, shape-shifted into the figure of the Saviour.

There Bob/Jesus bumps into the Greek philosopher who goes by the name of Celsus. The philosopher supports Hadrian, the Emperor who builds the ‘Temple of Venus’ in Rome (Dylan claims he makes fun of the Emperor’s name by later penning the song “A Hard Rain’s A-Gonna Fall”).

Anyway, Celsus, interested in Egyptian mythology, taunts Christian evangelists for spreading what he calls ‘supernatural’ beliefs, such as Christ being the ‘Son of God’.

According to Greek/Roman mythology, Venus has an affair with Dionysus, a son of Zeus by a mortal woman. Hera gets her revenge on the Goddess of Love for her being judged more beautiful than she, the wife of Zeus (Jupiter). Hera bewitches the son of Venus and Dionysus – son Priapus is ugly, and his huge cock, usually hard all the time, does not function when the grown-up Priapus wants it to.

Celus strikes back at the Christians because they call the philosopher a ‘pagan’, a follower of the Roman God Jupiter.

So it goes that Celsus whispers into the ear of the transformed Jesus that some Jews say that Mary cuckolds her husband Joseph by having an affair with a Roman soldier whose last name is Pantera, which translates into “Panther”.

Gleefully embellishing the gossip with the information that the Roman soldier has a large reproductive organ, Celsus whispers that when Mary becomes pregnant with Jesus, she tells Joseph, her husband, that she’s been impregnated by the Holy Ghost of God.

Jesus realizes His actual last name is “Panther”, and He’s not the “Son of God” that John the Baptist says He is. Rather shocking news that leaves psychological scars on the mind of Jesus for life; there’s no sunshine that’s a-gonna heal it.

Sings a song to Sigmund:

Shadows are falling, and I've been here all day
It's too hot to sleep, time is running away
Feels like my soul has turned into steel
I've still got the scars that the sun didn't heal
(Bob Dylan: Not Dark Yet)

Dylan as Jesus explains to the head doctor how He takes revenge on the Roman soldier, his daddy:

Black Rider, black rider, hold it right there
The size of your cock will get you nowhere
I'll suffer in silence, I'll not make a sound
Maybe I'll take the high moral ground
(Bob Dylan: Black Rider)

Index to past episodes

Bob Dylan And The Dylavinci Code (Part XX)

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