Links to all the cover versions used in this series are given at the end of the article, as well as links to all the previous articles themselves.
by Larry Fyffe
Our unwavering researchers, digging deep into the files of the Untold Archives, are able to uncover the psychological consequences of the mental scars that Jesus endures.
The love relationship between Mary Magdalene and Jesus Christ ends in sorrow; beautiful Maggie entombed in the Sphinx forever.
Just like all good psychiatrists do when they are at a lost to see what’s causes the odd behaviour of patients, the blame for their mental condition is placed squarely on the shoulders of their mommas.
Documents uncovered at the Archives show that singer songwriter Bob Dylan, while lying on the couch in Dr. Sigmund Freud’s Vienna office, tells about his travels through space and time, and about his “troubles” therein.
According to papers marked “Confidential”, Bob confides that he has the supernatural ability to time-travel, and also acknowledges that he’s a bon fide, dyed-in-the-wool, shape-shifter.
And, listen to this, Dylan explains to the Doctor that he often takes on the form of Jesus Christ, and through these transfigurative experiences, we learn that during her earthly life Mary, the mother of Jesus, “had done a lot of bad things, even once tried suicide”.
In one of his sessions with Sigmund, the singer/songwriter describes what happens to him while floating around in Relativity, floating up there in the spiritual plane of Gnostic Time, shape-shifted into the figure of the Saviour.
There Bob/Jesus bumps into the Greek philosopher who goes by the name of Celsus. The philosopher supports Hadrian, the Emperor who builds the ‘Temple of Venus’ in Rome (Dylan claims he makes fun of the Emperor’s name by later penning the song “A Hard Rain’s A-Gonna Fall”).
Anyway, Celsus, interested in Egyptian mythology, taunts Christian evangelists for spreading what he calls ‘supernatural’ beliefs, such as Christ being the ‘Son of God’.
According to Greek/Roman mythology, Venus has an affair with Dionysus, a son of Zeus by a mortal woman. Hera gets her revenge on the Goddess of Love for her being judged more beautiful than she, the wife of Zeus (Jupiter). Hera bewitches the son of Venus and Dionysus – son Priapus is ugly, and his huge cock, usually hard all the time, does not function when the grown-up Priapus wants it to.
Celus strikes back at the Christians because they call the philosopher a ‘pagan’, a follower of the Roman God Jupiter.
So it goes that Celsus whispers into the ear of the transformed Jesus that some Jews say that Mary cuckolds her husband Joseph by having an affair with a Roman soldier whose last name is Pantera, which translates into “Panther”.
Gleefully embellishing the gossip with the information that the Roman soldier has a large reproductive organ, Celsus whispers that when Mary becomes pregnant with Jesus, she tells Joseph, her husband, that she’s been impregnated by the Holy Ghost of God.
Jesus realizes His actual last name is “Panther”, and He’s not the “Son of God” that John the Baptist says He is. Rather shocking news that leaves psychological scars on the mind of Jesus for life; there’s no sunshine that’s a-gonna heal it.
Sings a song to Sigmund:
Shadows are falling, and I've been here all day It's too hot to sleep, time is running away Feels like my soul has turned into steel I've still got the scars that the sun didn't heal (Bob Dylan: Not Dark Yet)
Dylan as Jesus explains to the head doctor how He takes revenge on the Roman soldier, his daddy:
Black Rider, black rider, hold it right there The size of your cock will get you nowhere I'll suffer in silence, I'll not make a sound Maybe I'll take the high moral ground (Bob Dylan: Black Rider)
- Abandoned Love – Sean Keane
- Ahab The Arab -Ray Stevens
- Angelina -Bob Dylan
- Bob Dylan’s 115th Dream -John Bull And The Bandits
- Changing Of The Guards -Whitley & Lang
- Changing Of The Guards -Gaslight Anthem
- Crossing The Rubicon -Bob Dylan
- Drifter’s Escape -George Thorogood/Destroyers
- Duquesne Whistle -Benmont Tench
- False Prophet -Bob Dylan
- Going to Acapulco – Calexico
- Goodbye Jimmy Reed -Bob Dylan
- Groom’s Still Waiting At The Altar -Elkie Brooks
- Handy Dandy -Bob Dylan
- High Water – Joan Osborne
- Highway 61 Revisited -Ross Scrivener
- I Contain Multitudes -Emma Swift
- I Dreamed I Saw St Augustine – John Doe
- Idiot Wind -Gerard Quintana
- Idiot Wind -The Coal Porters
- I’ll Be Your Baby Tonight -Robert Palmer
- Isis – Julie Corbalis
- Isis -White Stripes
- Just Like A Woman -Old Crow Medicine Show
- Little Maggie – Bob Dylan
- Lord Protect My Child -Susan Tedeshi
- Maggie’s Farm -Chicken Diamond
- Maggie’s Farm -The Specials
- Maggie’s Farm – Zero Prophet
- Maggie’s Farm – Jimmy Vivino And The Black Italians
- Mary And The Soldier – Bob Dylan
- Memphis Blues – HC Handy
- My Own Version Of You -Bob Dylan
- Not Dark Yet: Lucinda Williams
- Oh Sister
- Precious Angel – The Weather Station
- Pretty Mary -Bob Dylan/Band
- Ring Them Bells -Muscle And Bone
- Ring Them Bells – McCrary Sisters
- Rocky Racoon -Charlie Parr
- Romance In Durango – Julie Felix
- Romance In Durango -Gerard Quintana
- Scarlet Town -Bob Dylan
- Seeing The Real You At Last -Bettye Lavette
- Simple Twist of Fate – Emma Swift
- Sign On The Window -Al Turk
- Slow Train – Clas Yngstrom
- Stuck inside Of Mobile – North Mississippi Alstars
- Summer Days -Brothers Lazaroff
- Talking World War III Blues -Toni Vescoli
- Tin Angel – Bob Dylan
- Visions Of Johanna – Stephen Inglis
- Wedding Song
Index to past episodes
- Bob Dylan And The Dylavinci Code Part 1
- Bob Dylan And The DylavincI Code (Part II)
- Bob Dylan And The DylavincI Code (Part III)
- Bob Dylan And The DylavincI Code (Part IV)
- Bob Dylan And The DylavincI Code (Part V)
- Bob Dylan And The Dylavinci Code (Part VI)
- Bob Dylan And The DylavincI Code (Part VII)
- Bob Dylan And the Dylanvinci Code Part VIII
- Bob Dylan And The DylavincI Code (Part IX)
- Bob Dylan And The DylavincI Code (Part X)
- Bob Dylan And The DylanvincI Code (Part XI)
- Bob Dylan and The DylanvincI Code (Part XII)
- Bob Dylan And The Dylavinci Code (Part XIII)
- Bob Dylan And The Dylanvinci Code (Part XIV)
- Bob Dylan And The Dylavinci Code (Part XV)
- Bob Dylan And The Dylavinci Code (Part XVI)
- Bob Dylan And The Dylavinci Code (Part XVII)
- Bob Dylan And The Dylavinci Code (Part XVIII)
- Bob Dylan And The Dylavinci Code (Part XIX)